Our bodies adapt . . .

When you're pregnant and nursing, your body will put the baby in womb as priority over the nursling. When the baby is born, if you milk hasn't already dried up, it's composition will be based on the newborn's needs. If you drink less water than your body needs to functional optimally, it will start retaining water (Something I call booby bloating these days.). Now, if I go and get pregnant with baby #3, while nursing Brooke & Reese, and Reese decides she still doesn't want to wean before baby #3 comes, will my body adapt by growing a third boob?

 

LOL. Ok, I know, ridiculous question, but......

When AF was a few days late this week, I couldn't help but start hoping for a BFP. Sure sure, things are more than hectic around here right now. My house looks like a department store puked in it. I can barely manage a trip to the grocery without forgetting at least 3 essentials, typically toilet paper, milk, & bread. And well . . . finances are running tight now and again, because I'm not able to devote as much time to my thrifty coupon clipping. I went from spending $50 a week on groceries to $100.... NOT COOL!

I mentioned to my husband that I found a birthday card I would've liked to get him for his birthday, but it said we'd be getting naked for it and . . . I told him I was hoping we wouldn't be "able to", since we don't get intimate when AF is around - it grosses me out I think more than it does him. But anyways . . . he was sick. He's not against more children, but certainly not right now. And I'll admit, I need to learn to better manage my time (aka learn to get away from this computer) before I set out into the adventures of a mommy of 3 little ones. But . . . no matter how ill the circumstances, I think most women, those that enjoy mothering, wishes they could pop babies out left and right. There are times when I think I'm nuts for having the slightest touch of baby fever, like when both girls are in the bed with us all night long, but there are other times, I miss those kicks from the womb and I look forward to FINALLY having a birth, my way . . . @ home.

My husband wasn't open to the idea of  homebirth with our second. After all, I did have 2 epidurals for my first. But that was for a forced labor that left me at 3 cm after having my water broken by my OB and the Pitocin cranked up every 15 minutes for HOURS. It was the knife or the needle. It really wasn't a complicated delivery, I just wish I'd known better and had avoided all the drugs, etc. and opted out of an elective induction just because my husband was traveling out of town. Shoulda just told him to.... okay, this is where I was gonna say "Suck it" but that just feels really out of place..... in a humorous, but more so flat out awkward, inappropriate way.

Hubby said we should see if I could give birth without drugs first, then he'd consider letting me homebirth our third. Well.... if you know me, tell me I can't do something, like birth a baby naturally, which is what everyone did, and you know I will do it. After 18.5 hours of natural labor, Brooke was born at 41 & 0. So.... high pain tolerance and patience somehow found me.

Then again, there are times, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not letting Reese be the baby longer, for not spending more quality time with just her and having to split my time between her and her little sister, even though Reese obviously still needs me as much as ever. I've come to think that tandem nursing makes me feel guilty, because I can't always arrange for both nurslings to be at the breast when they want. I always prioritize though, and put Brooke ahead of Reese, but I wish I could let Reese nurse more, as she desires, without Brooke pitching a hissy fit, something Reese did in the earlier months.

I feel like I was unfair in setting out to TTC before Reese self-weaned, and feel like my selfishness cost Reese vital Mommy & Me time...... It really brings me to tears daily. . . That's why I think I really need to consider allowing both girls to wean before I fully aspire to conceive #3. BUT . . . . oh . . . I just don't know. I'm so indecisive, I have such mixed feelings when it comes to tandem nursing . . . I guess since my body probably won't grow a third boob, Reese should at least be weaned . . . by self, hopefully, before we get word of #3's expected arrival.

Yes. I'm one of those crazies.

That was my response when the following question was posed to me in the hair salon Saturday afternoon:

"You're not one of those crazies that want to have a baby without drugs are ya?"

I'm sure you can imagine my reaction.

If you're asking if I would rather not risk receiving pitocin, getting a c-section, or my baby being put in the NICU, amongst other things, then.... YES. I'M ONE OF THOSE CRAZIES. Here's a great list provided by an MD about the risks, etc.   So many women think there are very few risks with an epidural, but there's a pretty hefty list of em, as with any intervention, especially pitocin. Yeah... I'll be doing a post about that one in the future, I'm sure of it, as well as one on the cascade of interventions.

Why is it, when a woman desires what's natural, what's truly normal, for her body and her child, people think she is crazy? Hmm..... could it be because we're absolutely spoilt rotten by all the choices we are given..... and maybe we're all just a lil more stupid than people use to be? I mean.... I don't know everything there is to know about birth and breastfeeding, I'm learning more with each and every day. But I do know that when God created man, he didn't provide him with a sack full of narcotics to numb his pain. Just like... he didn't provide Eve an anesthesiologist to put a needle in her back to numb the pain during childbirth....... or a can of formula to feed their child. But.... he did provide us the knowledge and resources to develop such things..... so I suppose it can be seen different ways. I know what God gave me is what's best - that includes my breasts that make milk to feed my babies and my fair a.k.a. pale skin. I'll try to steer clear of the tanning bed rant for now.

I'm also no Bible scholar, but as I grow, as a wife and a mother, I also strive to grow as a child of God. I'll be up front... I'm pro-life...If you're not ready to be a mom and experience the natural pain of childbirth - DO NOT HAVE SEX! It's that simple. Married, unmarried, young or old... Abstinence is the only way. Condoms break and even having your tubes tied isn't a 100% guarantee. That's right, I've met more than one woman who has gotten pregnant after "getting fixed", one even had her husband get a vasectomy - and they still wound up preggers! Amazing right? Or scary? lol

I've also been told I was brave when I said I aspire to birth all future children at home. . . and I was like. . . no . . . brave would be attempting to have a natural birth in a hospital with a combative care provider like I had with my second . . . Again . . . another story.

I'm finding I struggle to stay on one topic . . . if my brain had legs it'd be a shoo-in for an Olympic gold medal. I''m also trying not to overindulge on topics.... I'd rather give my readers something to think about and then research for themselves, than have them wholly take my word for it. Take responsibility for your choices folks and do your research. :)

It Can Be Done!

Ya know.... seems more and more women are being given c-sections these days because "they're baby is too big". Their obstetrician may encourage an early induction, perhaps as early as 37 or 38 weeks. They're estimating the baby being a 10 pounder if baby is still in womb at the 40 week mark! WOW. That's huge isn't it!? NOT. But still.... the get em out early or get em cut out later card is played. Even when a woman chooses to get em out early, there's that chance the induction will fail or cause complications which leads to the knife anyways.

Now, I personally, didn't birth HUGE babies, at least they weren't huge to me. My brothers were both just shy of 10 lbs, one of em said to be 3 weeks early. Of course, typically, when I tell someone that both my girls were 8.25 lbs they immediately respond with "You had big girls!" Granted, they say average is 7.5 lbs... you've gotta consider that because of the increased number of elective inductions and c-sections, especially those taking place before the 38th week, that number has to be skewed.

My girls were born at 40w4d & 41w0d, so they had plenty of growing time. My 2nd weighed 2-3 oz. more than my first, but she baked 3 days longer. Makes sense, right? With my 1st I gained all of 45 lbs, but didn't even hit the 10 lb mark with my 2nd thanks to healthier eating habits and some exercise... and morning sickness. However, my gain appeared to have no impact whatsoever on theirs. (Gals, if you think "dieting" during pregnancy is gonna help you give birth to a smaller baby, it won't. So, eat right!)

Some women just naturally have smaller babies, some naturally have larger babies. Either way it goes, their body was designed to birth the babies they conceive. There are some exceptions, like when a mother was malnourished as a child/teen, perhaps due to an eating disorder, and her body doesn't develop properly. However, most of the time, this is not the case.

I said I didn't think my girls were big, so what is big, to me? A 10 lb+ newborn, in my opinion, is a big baby. However, not impossible to birth vaginally. A friend of mine recently birthed a 10.5 lb girl in her 41st week of pregnancy. It was a long, hard labor, but she did it..... she birthed that baby naturally..... in her home! She's an all-star! So is this blogger's wife. The birth story of their 4th child is not one that typically follows the birth of an almost 11.5 lb baby. There's no hospital involved, no cutting, and no stitches. Their story is a prime example of how amazing the human, especially female, body is. They allowed her body to take the time it needed to do what it was supposed to do and it did it, quite well, too.

Note she says she didn't have a bit of tearing. Alot of you are wondering how that's possible? Well.... like I said, her body was allowed time, she wasn't giving birth flat on her back, and for the most part, she pushed when her body told her to, not when a nurse was shouting in her face to hold her breath and push while that nurse counted to ten (which is what most of us have experienced or is familiar with. ugh.) Purple pushing or directed pushing, most often seen in the hospital, is not kind to our babies or our bottoms, especially the latter of the two. Purple pushing or pushing when you don't feel the urge (before your body is ready) will not only exhaust you, but possibly rip you a new one. Women should be encouraged to push at their pace, not their doctor's or the nurses attending. Mother directed pushing is going to be the most effective and comfortable form of pushing. It's also going to allow the woman's body to slowly stretch and accommodate the emerging head of her newborn. Of course.... mother directed pushing isn't always gonna spare a gal stitches, but it will always help; Laying flat on your back is not the ideal position for a woman to push a baby out for SEVERAL reasons. However, it is what's easiest for the physician who is "catching" the newborn babe.

Women's bodies were made to give birth, naturally, even to 11.5 lb babies, without it ripping them a new one and especially without going under the knife. But again . . . the typical American woman, giving birth in a hospital, is physically restricted and on a time limit, not for her, or her baby's benefit, but her obstetrician's.

gag.

Cord Clamping & Disappointment

So, I was browsing Facebook when a video share from Moo said the mama caught my eye. It was a video regarding umbilical cord clamping after childbirth, something done , unfortunately, but typically, immediately following the baby's emergence into the outside world.

Cord clamping (except when medically necessary) should be delayed until all pulsation of the cord has ceased & the placenta has delivered, ensuring mother & baby are ready to be physically separated; This video supported just that. Think of it like this: You wouldn't buy 20 oz bottles and only fill them 16 oz full. So why would you deprive the body of a newborn baby of additional blood supply? However, most care providers in a hospital setting don't have the time to spare to allow what needs to or should happen to occur. Again, obstetric care revolves around convenience. It can take 2.5 hours for a cord to stop pulsating. That's 2.5 hours the hurried provider could be . . . uhmm.... putting more women on their backs w/ their feet in stirrups to push babies out in the most physiologically unpleasing position and making those mothers feel inferior to them .

Well, this all then triggered some ill feelings in me, feelings of disappointment, in me, my previous care providers during the deliveries of my daughters, my husband, etc.

OKAY OKAY . . . yes, I have some STRONG feelings when it comes to birth and doctors, including certified nurse midwives, although I hear the one that attended mine is in a league of her own, and I think she "had it in for me" after I "disobeyed" her and breastfed my firstborn throughout my pregnancy.

With baby #2, I desperately wanted a homebirth, even consulted with a local midwife, but.... my husband just wasn't game. He felt it was too risky (although a hospital really poses more) and he was sure I would want that glorified epidural. Anyone who knows me, knows that if you tell me I can't do something, that just motivates me that much more to do it! My mother says she always utilized reverse psychology on me for this reason, though it sometimes worked out to her disadvantage.

I laid out a birth plan for what I hoped to be an ALL NATURAL (not just pain med free) birth. I discussed it with my CNM. She was pretty cooperative, more so than the OB I had switched from, but she wasn't in full agreeance. One thing she said she COULD NOT do was wait for the cord to stop pulsating before she clamped it, but she said she would delay it, not do it immediately. I should've asked what her definition of "delayed" was apparently quite different. Brooke had not been out of the birth canal for more than 30 seconds when she asked my husband to cut the cord after she'd clamped it.  He went ahead.

There's nothing MY husband would've said to change things, he really didn't know better and he would've had to speak up BEFORE the clamp, not sure he cared all that much (that's a whole nother ball game right there). I think he saw my Birth Plan as a bit of a power struggle between me and my CNM, since I am a bit of a control freak. But hey... I was the one giving birth, should I get to be the control freak? And before the cord clamp I was already disappointed by previous intervention/rules.

I had a doula attending my birth, but... she wasn't use to the treachery a woman was to take on inside on those hospital walls, her children and the births she'd attended, all but 1, had been in a home. I wish she'd spoke up more often and asked if I wanted to at least talk about my options (well before it go to the cord clamping btw). Of course, I do feel like her presence alone made this a much better birth than it would've been without her and I am forever grateful to her for that. And she is a big reason as to why I decided to pursue becoming a birth doula myself (Still working on my certification thru DONA btw ;-).I just wish she'd been there to hold my hand at home instead of that dag on hospital. UGH.

I could write all night, criticizing my births, my care providers, my choices, but it, unfortunately, won't change a damn thing. I have two healthy daughters and that's important, but I wanted more. And one's birth experience, good or bad, is something not ever forgotten. I hate having to live with that regret.

So... I'm figuring by the time baby.. uhm... idk... #8 gets here I'll have this birthing thing down... what do you think? Will it take that many? Let's hope not. 3rd time's a charm right? And the rest will NOT be born in a hospital unless medically necessary a.k.a. @ home.

I hope my husband knows I'm "keep my legs closed" serious about this..........