If I Had It My Way . . .

I would be blessed to [birth] parent lots of children, alongside a husband whose ideas are one with mine, a husband who would be happy to climb into the birthing tub behind me to support me as I deliver our children.... in our living room.

Aren't you suppose to have it your way when it comes to marriage? By making the decision to marry someone, by saying yes and then, I do.... isn't that you having it your way?

But what if... what if your way or ways have changed over time? And what if the ways, which were once one and the same with your spouses, have changed? And theirs hasn't?

Do you compromise your beliefs for that of your spouses? Or do you stand your ground, no matter the affect on your relationship?

Touchy subject. Current issue in my household.

I don't feel like I've changed, I feel as though I've simply grown. My husband begs to differ. He says he didn't realize I was so.... alternative?! Yes, I'm pretty alternative, ask anyone I went to high school or even jr. high school with, and they'll tell ya - I always did things different than the norm. I always wanted to cloth diaper and I always knew I would breastfeed my children. I didn't expect to become a cloth pad maker or nurse a toddler, but I am. I don't think that shows change, but growth.

The trigger issue appears to be my ideal birth; in a birthing tub, in my living room. A birth that my husband still views as too risky and unclean. I always aspired to birth naturally, something I was finally able to do, for the most part, with baby #2, but in a hospital. There were things I had to go through I wish to never go through again, things I will have to go through again, if I birth in a hospital. So to me, my desire for a homebirth was a growth from my aspirations for natural childbirth.

My husband is very traditional and VERY stubborn. No, I'm not pregnant. No, we're not TTC.

BUT we do want more children.

Pretty much all our disagreements spawn from my overall "crunchiness" and the fact that I'm getting crunchier by the day.

So.... do I put my beliefs aside and wholly honor his, because he is my husband, and a wife's duty is to be submissive? Because believe me, communication is out the door - he says he doesn't want to talk about it ever. He's a hospital only man, says I need to wean Reese, quite piling up recycling in the kitchen, etc.. He's not open to research, documentaries, etc. and seems to have no regard for my personal feelings, because he thinks I am being selfish. Am I? *blush*

Or do I stand my ground and be "keep my legs closed" serious about my choices and perhaps hinder the possibility of us even conceiving more children?

I have so many dreams & aspirations for myself and my family; it hurts me to think my husband takes no consideration for them. We've both sacrificed alot for where we are at now, I just wish we could find common ground with more than what we're having for dinner.

Yes, I'm venting, I'm seeking, and I'm letting the whole world read this. And I am okay with that. I'm sure there are more women than me that have experienced similar turbulence in their relationship. Perhaps one of those women will read this and have some wisdom to share with me?