Is Ignorance Really Bliss? (Childbirth)

OK. So I just finished reading a few articles and columns today. My internet is working a bit faster, thank goodness! And I came across some disturbing statements. One in particular, stood out amongst the dozen others that had me gasping and sighing.

"Why does it matter how your baby got here [or how you feed it]? You have a baby!"  - kinda goes hand in hand with another frequent comment - "All that matters is that you have a healthy baby."

Seriously? It does matter how you give birth, because how you give birth directly impacts you, your baby, your recovery time, your breastfeeding experience, you future birth experiences, etc.

I chose to give birth vaginally & drug free because I knew it was what was best for me and my baby. Medical interventions like epidurals, pitocin, etc. are not without risks. The problem is, hospital staff and your OB tend to spare you the whole truth. They leave you with "You'll fee like a new woman in ten!" as the anethesiologist walks out after inserting that giant epidural needle in your back. He doesn't say things like "Oh, by they way, this could cause brain damage."

When the nurse tells you to lay down, stop getting up to pee so much because you're causing problems with the monitoring system, and she'll check you for the 4th time in 2 hours - she's not telling you that not emptying your bladder can slow your labor or that with each exam she increases your risk of infection, and . . . oh . . . the dreaded . . . delivering on your back makes your mores susceptible to . . . TEARING! Which seems to be alot of womens biggest fear when it comes to their bodies during labor.

Sure, everyone wants to give birth to a healthy baby. However, I want to give birth to the healthiest baby I possibly can. I don't want to increase my baby's risk for any kind of complication by going on pitocin at 39.5 weeks because I'm tired of being pregnant. An enormous part of being a mother is about being selfless, and that would be a selfish choice to me. I want my babies' to develop to their full extent in womb. I don't wanna risk them having respiratory distress because I was impatient. Leave the selfishness to the OB, they're the ones demanding you give birth on your back because it's easier for them to "deliver". I mean, you can sacrifice your vajayjay for your OB, but you can't give another week or two to your unborn baby to ensure they have proper lung and brain development?

I guess what this comes down to, for me, is that there is a difference in having just a healthy baby and having the healthiest baby you have the opportunity to have. I have chosen to birth naturally, breastfeed until my children self-wean, select-delay vaccinate, stay at home, buy organic food, clean with vinegar, cloth diaper, etc.. to give my children the opportunity to live the healthiest lives they can - not to mention, having super healthy kids has it's perks for momma, too; like fewer medical bills. Brooke is just over a year old now and has only been to the Dr. one time for something other than an early check up - and that was because of a bad bump on the noggin, courtesy of her outdoor loving, but sneaky big sister.

So, I beg of you gals, don't rely on your doctor to give you all the info you need about birth or breastfeeding through the pamphlets on the side tables in the office waiting room or that lofty book about pregnancy and babies you picked up at the local bookstore. Do your own real research and ask lots of questions.

Becase . . . you have to wonder... with all the risks of medical interventions related to childbirth, is ignorance really bliss?

Evening Whine

Feeling a bit drained tonight; physically and emotionally exhausted. The stress of moving, decreased income (by choice, with hubby taking the new job that brought us back to our hometown - and involuntarily, by having to step away from sewing after the wreck a few months ago), living with family, having two toddlers, house training our chihweenie pup, trying to sell our home, hubby having to work out of town overnight alot, and, of course, the agonizing neck & back pain from the wreck really have me worn down. Brooke isn't sleeping well at night and Momma's gotta keep the milk bar open. 4 hours of sleep just isn't enought to keep up optimum function of the human body, especially one that's outting around 2 lbs of milk a day to a couple of 'nuggling' girls.

 I've gained 15 lbs since we were rear-ended by that semi, haven't been able to do much of anything since then, jogging stroller has been stored away in the closet, no longer live near a YMCA, and, then, there's Dr.'s orders not to do anything. I just wanna scream everytime I look in the mirror, although the new haircut I got is quite nice, along with my new, more mature looking glasses. But still, there's that hideous tag inside those Polo Jeans I found at Goodwill last week . . . . Ya know though, it's not really the numbers that scare me, it's the fact that walking halfway thru the mall yesterday left me winded!!!!! Not cool! However, I did find a nice new purse 75%  off by accident, that I LOVE!

Ok, now that I've had me a semi pity party - I'm thinking about tomorrow, what will the day bring? Rain? How many tantrums? And over what? What am I gonna fix for lunch? Ugh, we're out of butter. . . Should we go out on the town? Gosh, I hate driving. Maybe visit a friend? Thank goodness Garrett will be home tomorrow. *Sigh* Gots a ton of stuff to return to various stores (laundry detergent, girly doggy outfits, etc.). Wish I had more of those Carrot cake w/ cream cheese icing cupcakes from Brooke's birthday party, I sure put em away yesterday . . . . bah . . and I wonder why my waistline keeps growing. . . . oh well, my kids still love me. :P

Seeing Improvement

I consider myself pretty mature for a 23 year old, but for some reason . . . I'm like a magnet for young kids. I'm not complaining or anything, but. . . after yesterdays Church hayride and picnic I now know about all the youth and children's names, but still less than half of the adults. *blush* Of course, I think the fact that I was packing around Booger was part of the magnetism, especially since as one feller said, he's like a lil abercrombie pup in his purple moose sweater. lol. But now I think that lil model pup is constipated thanks to a lil too much hot dog. ugh.

I really enjoy working with younger kids. . . like . . . middle school age. I've contemplated finishing my degree but with a change of major from Elem. Ed to Middle Grades Language Arts & Social Studies? IDK. Just a backup plan in case this whole running my own business and doula practice doesn't work out too well in the next few years. I can't go back to school, even if I want to, until the girls, at least Reese, is in school... Yes. FREE. PUBLIC school. I'd like to homeschool, but DH thinks it'll turn our kids into social under developed weirdos or something. Daycare is just soooo costly and I'd really rather raise my own kids if I have the choice, a choice I know many women aren't fortunate enough to have.

Speaking of costly things . . . anyone else holding their breath to see what their insurance rates are going up to? Phew. I'm dreading it. I guess I should just be thankful my kids rarely get sick and need a trip to the doctor. Bout all we utilize our insurance for these days is chiropractic care. I've become fond of herbal remedies as well.

LALALA . . . well, just wanted to sort of chat a lil, preparing for what I hope will be a smooth fun filled day of travelling and shopping in good ol' Lexington, KY. I have a ton of stuff to return to Gymboree. Reese chunkered up and outgrew her fall/winer clothes I bought for her in late summer. We're also going to visit my big little Brother, Shane - college senior, and driver of a 1978 vw van.

Maybe I'll pop in for a recap of today's events this evening. Appreciate you readers. Hope the rest of yalls weekend is splendid as well!!!!

R.I.P. Blossom

Well, yesterday was a terrible day. We lost our beloved lil Blossom, our 3 month old Chi-Pom pup, to the wrath of my Mother-In-Law's automobile and hasty driving. All sorts of emotions were triggered and I had an absolute meltdown after hanging by a thread for weeks, courtesy of all the recent stress of moving, paycuts, and living with my in-laws. Walking on eggshells is no fun, but letting your feelings out sure does feel good when you're doing it.

Still, occasionally, I'm not sure whether to be more upset over losing Blossom, my MIL's reaction, or the fact that I just spent $200 on dog accessories for our darling lil chi-pom (guess that last one is the tight-wad in me coming out)..... Well, then there's the fact that Booger (Reese's 3 month old, Chug) is now without his sister, his litter mate, his bed feller, his playmate, and cries through the night without her. AGH.  *Tears* Then there's having to hear my two year old retell the tale. :( She's now stuck to Booger like glue. And he's clingier than ever. *More Tears*



I'm trying my best to be graceful about everything that went on and was said yesterday, as the comments went beyond the loss of the pup - and I mean, it wasn't like I was told anything I didn't already know anyhow - and vice versa. I just hate settling and just living in tolerance. Nothing would be more relieving than to lash out on here with all the emotions I'm having, but I just keep praying to the Lord to keep my mouth shut, while I continue to cry over 'spilt milk'.

WooHoo! I'm Back!

It's kind of hard for me to believe it's been over 4 months since I've posted. I FINALLY got my crashed laptop back up and running thanks to the help of my tech savvy lil cousin. And... we have been moving, we're actually still moving. We're saying goodbye to South Central KY and hello again to Southeastern KY. Big move right? Well... 3 hour drive house to house. Now, if only our home would sell so we could get on with things.... like.... bickering over where we're gonna build a house, what type we're going to build, and so forth. I REALLY miss not having my own home.

Right now we're shacked up with my in-laws, who are also working on moving to the suburbs, giving up this . . . skunkenated place. Seriously, when to the pot one night, was sitting there, wiping my hind end, and I hear the sounds of scurrying lil feet . . . uh oh . . . what is it . . . I look down to the vent in front of my feet and staring up at me . . . yep . . . you guessed it . . . a SKUNK! I didn't know whether to crap or get off the pot. lol. I just remember sitting still for a very long time . . . and to this day I cannot remember if I got up with it still staring or if it finally went away. Needless to say, I've been scarred for life. Midnight potty breaks are almost terroristic for me now.

I guess that's another reason I'm semi-thankful we're not expecting baby #3 yet. And . . . don't get me wrong, it's not that we don't want more children, but between my back pain, the moving, dh taking a major paycut, and tandem nursing . . . it's kind of the farthest thing from my mind right now. . . getting pregnant I mean. . . and doing what it takes to get that way. haha.

Another benefit to waiting to TTC #3 . . . no additional medical bills (and more time for me to round up a midwife and fellow doula willing to travel to the boondocks!). Yep, got dr. bills coming out my ears from the accident. I'm having issues with car insurance only paid 90%, out of PIP coverage, still need treament (PT), etc..... I'm so frustrated. Sometimes I'm not sure what's worse . . . the emotional distress or the pure physical pain. I've got baseball bat back . . . feels like all you readers took a swing at me. . . thank goodness there's only 8 of you then, right? :P

Got my hair chopped off today, shortest it's been since.... idk.... 3rd grade? Cute though. I like it. Pretty sure Garrett won't, since well... it's SHORT. Maybe when I get more settled in I can share some updated photos of me. . . and the girls . . . and our new homeplace . . . and our new pups!

Booger - he's a CHUG. Blossom - she's a Chi Pom. Crate Training has been an on again off again adventure......... a tale to tell some other time, because now I'm pooped. Time to crawl in bed and snuggle with my BrookE Bear.

Before I step out.........

can I just say that sometimes, for various reasons, being a woman is not so grand. The most prime example being . . . getting your period. I mean, seriously, other than the fact that our menstrual cycles are what gives us the ability to conceive and grow humans inside us, it's just icky and inconvenient. Thank goodness for the Diva cup. I know some of you are looking at it and saying "eeewwww", but seriously, it is soooooo much easier, cleaner, and cheaper than anything Always or Tampax has in it's boxes. The FDA has no restrictions on what Disposable Feminine Hygiene Producers can't put in their products. As a result, they're full of toxic chemicals that cause you to have a heavier, longer, and more painful period. Your bodies natural reaction to these harsh chemicals is to thicken the uterine lining, keep the cervix closed tighter,etc. to protect itself. Obviously, if the uterine lining is thicker you're gonna have more blood to lose. If the cervix is closed tighter, it's gonna take longer for it all to drain out. Wonderful thoughts, yes? Switching to a reusable menstrual cup like the Diva, Moon, or Keeper Menstrual Cups will change your life! Your periods will be lighter, shorter, and wayyyyy less painful. Mine went from 7-9 days to 3-5 days.
I was no longer downing half a bottle of ibuprofen every month or laying out for an entire week because the cramps kept me tied down to a heating pad all day. Granted, it took a few months after my switch from sposies to the cup, in combination with cloth pads, to see the difference, but once I did, there has been no return. And no, it's not that hard to insert and cloth pads are easy to wash and wayyyyy less irritating than a kotex. Cloth liners are the bomb diggity. Find a great selection of cloth liners and pads to accomodate your new purchase of a reusable menstrual cup on www.hyenacart.com.

Happy Monthly!

I will be back...

dk when. dk with what. but i will be posting to the blog regularly again sometime hopefully in the near future. just wanted to let my readers know. :P things have been chaotic at my house lately between food allergies, bloody diapers, travels, etc. they are starting to smooth out and im beginning to recoup, but it's still gonna be a bit yet. phew.

Yeah, you could say I'm outspoken....

Just because I share my research & experience based opinions with you doesn't mean I expect you to follow through with what I'd do in your situation . . . but I do hope that more folks out there would start making informed decisions about their birth and the caring of their children. I mean, really, how many moms out there can tell you what their kids are even vaccinated against? much less, what's in those vaccines?

I hear so many people saying things like.... "well my doctor said....." - I cringe over how much trust people put in their doctors to give them all the information needed to make a decision or to even make the decision for them . . . like . . . inducing at 39 weeks. Or... .how about the scare tactics of . . . going past your due date puts your baby at risk?! At risk of what? Proper brain & lung development?

So I'm a lil heated tonight.... after congregating with some of my fellow Doulas in the area, boy do we have fun; Between sharing birth stories about moms worrying themselves sick over the possibilty of pooping themselves in front of someone during labor and then when it really happens not giving a hoot who saw it... or how about..practically moaning our client's baby out ourselves - We are a riot. THANK YOU M.H. for sharing such awesome birth stories! Laughing with friends is sooooooo wonderful!

Now, if only I hadn't had to come home to an empty house . . . It's just me and my Brooke Lou til Satuday. Reese travelled back to the hometown with her Daddy to catch up on some corn planting after getting rained out two weekends in a row. Brooke and I are venturing over Saturday to pitch in (if you consider bringing ice cold Mtn. Dews down to the field for the boys "pitching in".). We'd head over tomorrow if I didn't have 3 weeks worth of recycling spilling out of the bins in the kitchen, but... its all saved... oh... 3 bags of trash from going in the landfill?! Getting crunchier by the day . . .

Adding another book to my wish list.... I've heard nothing but good things so far from friends . . . I don't think we quite need it, but it couldn't hurt, right? Or maybe I need the Toddler version? Yeah, that could be it.... I really do think Brooke sleeps better than Reese. Of course, last night we ended up with both of em in bed with us... crammed between us in our queen size...

I'm really looking forward to getting some sewing done tomorrow.... I really need to get things going again on the shop, I seem to go in spurts there, too. Things just come up, get me off schedule, and it's really difficult to get back on with 2 lil ones and all our travelling. I also need to get some reading and charts and things done for some clients..... There's always plenty of questions that can be asked and lots to learn when trying to answer them.

Well, it's been a bit since I last posted.... I'm struggling to maintain this blog thing, I go in spurts...and I'm pretty randon, still haven't decided what direction I wanna go in with this. much like I do in the rest of my life.... I can clean half the house top to bottom in one day and then another day, barely feel like walking through half of it... bah-humbug.....I've gotta get my exercise on.... 30 day shred, I want you back! lol. 30 extra pounds, I want you gone!

I have some terrible eating habits... love soda, chocolate, vanilla iced zingers, pop-tarts, sugary cereals, etc... but I'm trying to slowly better them, I know if I go too hard to fast at trying to change my eating habits, I'll fail and fall right back to all of them. I want to give up pop... but... before I even cut back, I've switched to caffeine free.... once I get thru my week without caffeinated soda... I will cut back to one a day..... one every other day..... etc... hopefully my plan will work, pop isn't cheap ya know. I think I spend 10% of our grocery budget on it. Sick.

I'm not just trying to eat healthier in the sense of low fat, etc., but in the sense of natural and organic. I want to avoid processed foods, etc. I bought some bread last week, whole grain - the heaviest bread on the shelf, and really enjoyed it, much better than that fake white bread. Of course, when I went to the store yesterday to buy more, I couldn't remember what brand I had bought before.... after reading ingredient labels, I realized what I bought last week had high fructose corn syrup in it!? holy crap. and oats, which Reese is allergic to. So... this week I bought Pepperidge (sp?) Farms Wheat Whole Grain bread, still just as tasty, but without the oats and without the high fructose corn syrup.

Crap. Just realized I forgot to get stuff to make salsa at the store. :( I'm craving it soooooo bad.

Anyhoo.... our a/c has been working on and off, we're assuming it's low on refrigerant.... so a guy is suppose to come check it out this afternoon.... My goals for the day now...... clean the living room enough that he has a clean path from the front door to the thermostat. LOL.  AND TAKE A NAP!

I am exhausted. The girls and I appear to be walking boogers. Peak allergy season for us. :(

Typical Morning

I need a new small camera. Yep.... my lil HP camera has had the lick, thanks to Reese. And it's just too hard to take frequent candids of the girl with that big honkin Canon Rebel XS... i think that's what it is anyways.... I think pics would make this blog alot more fun...... gotta get on that... maybe use the Amazon gift cards I earned from swagbucks to get one? Since the tandem stroller I was saving up for is no longer available...

So the night wasn't too bad, got some quality time with DH in, Brooke woke up at 4 a.m. and wouldn't go back to sleep unless I let her nurse lying down in our bed. After this morning though, it sounds like I need to reschool DH on NFP.....Of course, my brain is saying, not ready for #3, but my body is screaming YES YES YES. . . . what can I say? Pregnancy agrees with me, at least physically.

In the mean time, my girls are learning and doing more by the day. Reese is continually shouting "Let's Do This!". I'm not sure where she picked that one up from. Brooke can't keep from making fart noises on my boob everytime she nurses, yep, she's definetly her daddy's baby.

I suppose I'm in for a day of cleaning, unpacking, and perhaps, grocery shopping. I subscribed to this new thing, E-Mealz, it's pretty neat, but this will be my first week trying to use it.... I hope it helps us out budget wise and health wise, we seem to be eating nothing but fast food or junk lately.

Welp, wish me luck, I'm off to finish my 1st can of soda for the day and change Reese into a fresh diaper, I think her Bed Bug is at full capacity. phew.

Rained Home & Shoeless

Finally made it back to our home in Glasgow, after a weekend visiting the hometown, and a long trip down the parkway in a downpour. We enjoyed visiting both sides of the family, especially the girls' great grandparents, my mother's parents, who blessed us with a big bucket of strawberries fresh from their garden. YUM! Now... maybe wash them up and make a pie to snack on?

Of course, we did have to tackle quite the rainstorm to get to their home one evening. The girls and I were in our van, traveling down the scenic highway through Woodbine and into Rockholds, battling fierce rain with Flash Flood Warnings out for the area. Fortunately, we made it there safely, after lots of prayer and caution. My new Clark sandals were not so lucky. After running back and forth carrying both girls into the warmth (& DRY) of my grandparent's home, they were soggy. I always though that leather, when it got wet, shrank. However, when I told my Mamaw Sugar about the shoes, well... she said... "oh no, that leather will stretch." At first, I thought it would be okay, they were rubbing my instep a bit anyways...... but now.... ugh...... can't walk in em without my foot flopping off the heel and into the air in an attempt to sprain my ankle. NOT COOL. Mom suggested getting them wet again and drying them in the sun to shrink them..... told her I'd have to google (or better yet, swagbucks search) that one, haven't done it yet, but hope I can find a cure.

I've only had these (once) ooberly comfortable shoes for 2 weeks AND let me tell ya how I got em. My husband was planning on treating me to our new Olive Garden one day for lunch, but . .. .  got there to find it closed until 4, it was 12. So.... we went to my next choice... Logan's Roadhouse. Where..... we sat for too long, with both kids, waiting on my steak, which came rare, after I ordered medium. Sent it back to the kitchen, only to have it returned medium rare after asking them to just go ahead and go medium well to well with it.... ugh... After that, there was no more patience left in my children, the manager took my meal off the bill, and we went on our merry with, with just a few rolls and some sweet potato in my belly.

Well.... after that I had promised Reese a ride on the horses aka the carousel @ the Greenwood Mall. I was getting the girls out of the van, tying Brooke onto my back in our favorite mei tai from Mother Moon Pads, formerly Keep Your Baby Close, and as I took a step the whole top of my ol' favorite white cheap-o $5 Wal-mart sandals came off...... I think I stood there for a good 2 minutes just staring at the disaster.... debating what to do.... Yes, I, technically, only had 1 shoe. However, I also had a 2 year old who for hours had been looking forward to a carousel ride.....a 2 year old that would throw a fit of all fits, especially when she could see the horses a mere 50 feet away....

Well... thank goodness we got a GOOD parking spot that day, because I somehow managed to hobble into the mall with 1.5 shoes wearing one baby and pushing my toddler in the stroller. Reese was able to get her carousel ride. THEN I was able to scoot my way over to JcPenney's for my first pair of Clark's... a brand my mother and grandmother tended to rave over.... almost as much as I do over Merrel's. And boy... they were worth the scoot..... and the loot.... although I did get em on sale & with a coupon, for $40. Of course, $40 is ALOT of money for a pair of sandals for me, when they aren't Merrel's, but I took a chance, and it worked out... UNTIL the rain came.... :(

But everytime it rains.... I can't help but think of my husband coming through our front door singing.... the words to a song I hadn't heard just yet.... but I've heard several times since, including once during that rainstorm on the way to my grandparent's home.... "Rain makes corn. Corn makes whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby..... Get a little frisky." *Blissful Sigh*


Now.... off to put the babies to bed and battle the ants that took over our home while we were away.

If I Had It My Way . . .

I would be blessed to [birth] parent lots of children, alongside a husband whose ideas are one with mine, a husband who would be happy to climb into the birthing tub behind me to support me as I deliver our children.... in our living room.

Aren't you suppose to have it your way when it comes to marriage? By making the decision to marry someone, by saying yes and then, I do.... isn't that you having it your way?

But what if... what if your way or ways have changed over time? And what if the ways, which were once one and the same with your spouses, have changed? And theirs hasn't?

Do you compromise your beliefs for that of your spouses? Or do you stand your ground, no matter the affect on your relationship?

Touchy subject. Current issue in my household.

I don't feel like I've changed, I feel as though I've simply grown. My husband begs to differ. He says he didn't realize I was so.... alternative?! Yes, I'm pretty alternative, ask anyone I went to high school or even jr. high school with, and they'll tell ya - I always did things different than the norm. I always wanted to cloth diaper and I always knew I would breastfeed my children. I didn't expect to become a cloth pad maker or nurse a toddler, but I am. I don't think that shows change, but growth.

The trigger issue appears to be my ideal birth; in a birthing tub, in my living room. A birth that my husband still views as too risky and unclean. I always aspired to birth naturally, something I was finally able to do, for the most part, with baby #2, but in a hospital. There were things I had to go through I wish to never go through again, things I will have to go through again, if I birth in a hospital. So to me, my desire for a homebirth was a growth from my aspirations for natural childbirth.

My husband is very traditional and VERY stubborn. No, I'm not pregnant. No, we're not TTC.

BUT we do want more children.

Pretty much all our disagreements spawn from my overall "crunchiness" and the fact that I'm getting crunchier by the day.

So.... do I put my beliefs aside and wholly honor his, because he is my husband, and a wife's duty is to be submissive? Because believe me, communication is out the door - he says he doesn't want to talk about it ever. He's a hospital only man, says I need to wean Reese, quite piling up recycling in the kitchen, etc.. He's not open to research, documentaries, etc. and seems to have no regard for my personal feelings, because he thinks I am being selfish. Am I? *blush*

Or do I stand my ground and be "keep my legs closed" serious about my choices and perhaps hinder the possibility of us even conceiving more children?

I have so many dreams & aspirations for myself and my family; it hurts me to think my husband takes no consideration for them. We've both sacrificed alot for where we are at now, I just wish we could find common ground with more than what we're having for dinner.

Yes, I'm venting, I'm seeking, and I'm letting the whole world read this. And I am okay with that. I'm sure there are more women than me that have experienced similar turbulence in their relationship. Perhaps one of those women will read this and have some wisdom to share with me?

Our bodies adapt . . .

When you're pregnant and nursing, your body will put the baby in womb as priority over the nursling. When the baby is born, if you milk hasn't already dried up, it's composition will be based on the newborn's needs. If you drink less water than your body needs to functional optimally, it will start retaining water (Something I call booby bloating these days.). Now, if I go and get pregnant with baby #3, while nursing Brooke & Reese, and Reese decides she still doesn't want to wean before baby #3 comes, will my body adapt by growing a third boob?

 

LOL. Ok, I know, ridiculous question, but......

When AF was a few days late this week, I couldn't help but start hoping for a BFP. Sure sure, things are more than hectic around here right now. My house looks like a department store puked in it. I can barely manage a trip to the grocery without forgetting at least 3 essentials, typically toilet paper, milk, & bread. And well . . . finances are running tight now and again, because I'm not able to devote as much time to my thrifty coupon clipping. I went from spending $50 a week on groceries to $100.... NOT COOL!

I mentioned to my husband that I found a birthday card I would've liked to get him for his birthday, but it said we'd be getting naked for it and . . . I told him I was hoping we wouldn't be "able to", since we don't get intimate when AF is around - it grosses me out I think more than it does him. But anyways . . . he was sick. He's not against more children, but certainly not right now. And I'll admit, I need to learn to better manage my time (aka learn to get away from this computer) before I set out into the adventures of a mommy of 3 little ones. But . . . no matter how ill the circumstances, I think most women, those that enjoy mothering, wishes they could pop babies out left and right. There are times when I think I'm nuts for having the slightest touch of baby fever, like when both girls are in the bed with us all night long, but there are other times, I miss those kicks from the womb and I look forward to FINALLY having a birth, my way . . . @ home.

My husband wasn't open to the idea of  homebirth with our second. After all, I did have 2 epidurals for my first. But that was for a forced labor that left me at 3 cm after having my water broken by my OB and the Pitocin cranked up every 15 minutes for HOURS. It was the knife or the needle. It really wasn't a complicated delivery, I just wish I'd known better and had avoided all the drugs, etc. and opted out of an elective induction just because my husband was traveling out of town. Shoulda just told him to.... okay, this is where I was gonna say "Suck it" but that just feels really out of place..... in a humorous, but more so flat out awkward, inappropriate way.

Hubby said we should see if I could give birth without drugs first, then he'd consider letting me homebirth our third. Well.... if you know me, tell me I can't do something, like birth a baby naturally, which is what everyone did, and you know I will do it. After 18.5 hours of natural labor, Brooke was born at 41 & 0. So.... high pain tolerance and patience somehow found me.

Then again, there are times, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not letting Reese be the baby longer, for not spending more quality time with just her and having to split my time between her and her little sister, even though Reese obviously still needs me as much as ever. I've come to think that tandem nursing makes me feel guilty, because I can't always arrange for both nurslings to be at the breast when they want. I always prioritize though, and put Brooke ahead of Reese, but I wish I could let Reese nurse more, as she desires, without Brooke pitching a hissy fit, something Reese did in the earlier months.

I feel like I was unfair in setting out to TTC before Reese self-weaned, and feel like my selfishness cost Reese vital Mommy & Me time...... It really brings me to tears daily. . . That's why I think I really need to consider allowing both girls to wean before I fully aspire to conceive #3. BUT . . . . oh . . . I just don't know. I'm so indecisive, I have such mixed feelings when it comes to tandem nursing . . . I guess since my body probably won't grow a third boob, Reese should at least be weaned . . . by self, hopefully, before we get word of #3's expected arrival.

Yes. I'm one of those crazies.

That was my response when the following question was posed to me in the hair salon Saturday afternoon:

"You're not one of those crazies that want to have a baby without drugs are ya?"

I'm sure you can imagine my reaction.

If you're asking if I would rather not risk receiving pitocin, getting a c-section, or my baby being put in the NICU, amongst other things, then.... YES. I'M ONE OF THOSE CRAZIES. Here's a great list provided by an MD about the risks, etc.   So many women think there are very few risks with an epidural, but there's a pretty hefty list of em, as with any intervention, especially pitocin. Yeah... I'll be doing a post about that one in the future, I'm sure of it, as well as one on the cascade of interventions.

Why is it, when a woman desires what's natural, what's truly normal, for her body and her child, people think she is crazy? Hmm..... could it be because we're absolutely spoilt rotten by all the choices we are given..... and maybe we're all just a lil more stupid than people use to be? I mean.... I don't know everything there is to know about birth and breastfeeding, I'm learning more with each and every day. But I do know that when God created man, he didn't provide him with a sack full of narcotics to numb his pain. Just like... he didn't provide Eve an anesthesiologist to put a needle in her back to numb the pain during childbirth....... or a can of formula to feed their child. But.... he did provide us the knowledge and resources to develop such things..... so I suppose it can be seen different ways. I know what God gave me is what's best - that includes my breasts that make milk to feed my babies and my fair a.k.a. pale skin. I'll try to steer clear of the tanning bed rant for now.

I'm also no Bible scholar, but as I grow, as a wife and a mother, I also strive to grow as a child of God. I'll be up front... I'm pro-life...If you're not ready to be a mom and experience the natural pain of childbirth - DO NOT HAVE SEX! It's that simple. Married, unmarried, young or old... Abstinence is the only way. Condoms break and even having your tubes tied isn't a 100% guarantee. That's right, I've met more than one woman who has gotten pregnant after "getting fixed", one even had her husband get a vasectomy - and they still wound up preggers! Amazing right? Or scary? lol

I've also been told I was brave when I said I aspire to birth all future children at home. . . and I was like. . . no . . . brave would be attempting to have a natural birth in a hospital with a combative care provider like I had with my second . . . Again . . . another story.

I'm finding I struggle to stay on one topic . . . if my brain had legs it'd be a shoo-in for an Olympic gold medal. I''m also trying not to overindulge on topics.... I'd rather give my readers something to think about and then research for themselves, than have them wholly take my word for it. Take responsibility for your choices folks and do your research. :)

It Can Be Done!

Ya know.... seems more and more women are being given c-sections these days because "they're baby is too big". Their obstetrician may encourage an early induction, perhaps as early as 37 or 38 weeks. They're estimating the baby being a 10 pounder if baby is still in womb at the 40 week mark! WOW. That's huge isn't it!? NOT. But still.... the get em out early or get em cut out later card is played. Even when a woman chooses to get em out early, there's that chance the induction will fail or cause complications which leads to the knife anyways.

Now, I personally, didn't birth HUGE babies, at least they weren't huge to me. My brothers were both just shy of 10 lbs, one of em said to be 3 weeks early. Of course, typically, when I tell someone that both my girls were 8.25 lbs they immediately respond with "You had big girls!" Granted, they say average is 7.5 lbs... you've gotta consider that because of the increased number of elective inductions and c-sections, especially those taking place before the 38th week, that number has to be skewed.

My girls were born at 40w4d & 41w0d, so they had plenty of growing time. My 2nd weighed 2-3 oz. more than my first, but she baked 3 days longer. Makes sense, right? With my 1st I gained all of 45 lbs, but didn't even hit the 10 lb mark with my 2nd thanks to healthier eating habits and some exercise... and morning sickness. However, my gain appeared to have no impact whatsoever on theirs. (Gals, if you think "dieting" during pregnancy is gonna help you give birth to a smaller baby, it won't. So, eat right!)

Some women just naturally have smaller babies, some naturally have larger babies. Either way it goes, their body was designed to birth the babies they conceive. There are some exceptions, like when a mother was malnourished as a child/teen, perhaps due to an eating disorder, and her body doesn't develop properly. However, most of the time, this is not the case.

I said I didn't think my girls were big, so what is big, to me? A 10 lb+ newborn, in my opinion, is a big baby. However, not impossible to birth vaginally. A friend of mine recently birthed a 10.5 lb girl in her 41st week of pregnancy. It was a long, hard labor, but she did it..... she birthed that baby naturally..... in her home! She's an all-star! So is this blogger's wife. The birth story of their 4th child is not one that typically follows the birth of an almost 11.5 lb baby. There's no hospital involved, no cutting, and no stitches. Their story is a prime example of how amazing the human, especially female, body is. They allowed her body to take the time it needed to do what it was supposed to do and it did it, quite well, too.

Note she says she didn't have a bit of tearing. Alot of you are wondering how that's possible? Well.... like I said, her body was allowed time, she wasn't giving birth flat on her back, and for the most part, she pushed when her body told her to, not when a nurse was shouting in her face to hold her breath and push while that nurse counted to ten (which is what most of us have experienced or is familiar with. ugh.) Purple pushing or directed pushing, most often seen in the hospital, is not kind to our babies or our bottoms, especially the latter of the two. Purple pushing or pushing when you don't feel the urge (before your body is ready) will not only exhaust you, but possibly rip you a new one. Women should be encouraged to push at their pace, not their doctor's or the nurses attending. Mother directed pushing is going to be the most effective and comfortable form of pushing. It's also going to allow the woman's body to slowly stretch and accommodate the emerging head of her newborn. Of course.... mother directed pushing isn't always gonna spare a gal stitches, but it will always help; Laying flat on your back is not the ideal position for a woman to push a baby out for SEVERAL reasons. However, it is what's easiest for the physician who is "catching" the newborn babe.

Women's bodies were made to give birth, naturally, even to 11.5 lb babies, without it ripping them a new one and especially without going under the knife. But again . . . the typical American woman, giving birth in a hospital, is physically restricted and on a time limit, not for her, or her baby's benefit, but her obstetrician's.

gag.

Cord Clamping & Disappointment

So, I was browsing Facebook when a video share from Moo said the mama caught my eye. It was a video regarding umbilical cord clamping after childbirth, something done , unfortunately, but typically, immediately following the baby's emergence into the outside world.

Cord clamping (except when medically necessary) should be delayed until all pulsation of the cord has ceased & the placenta has delivered, ensuring mother & baby are ready to be physically separated; This video supported just that. Think of it like this: You wouldn't buy 20 oz bottles and only fill them 16 oz full. So why would you deprive the body of a newborn baby of additional blood supply? However, most care providers in a hospital setting don't have the time to spare to allow what needs to or should happen to occur. Again, obstetric care revolves around convenience. It can take 2.5 hours for a cord to stop pulsating. That's 2.5 hours the hurried provider could be . . . uhmm.... putting more women on their backs w/ their feet in stirrups to push babies out in the most physiologically unpleasing position and making those mothers feel inferior to them .

Well, this all then triggered some ill feelings in me, feelings of disappointment, in me, my previous care providers during the deliveries of my daughters, my husband, etc.

OKAY OKAY . . . yes, I have some STRONG feelings when it comes to birth and doctors, including certified nurse midwives, although I hear the one that attended mine is in a league of her own, and I think she "had it in for me" after I "disobeyed" her and breastfed my firstborn throughout my pregnancy.

With baby #2, I desperately wanted a homebirth, even consulted with a local midwife, but.... my husband just wasn't game. He felt it was too risky (although a hospital really poses more) and he was sure I would want that glorified epidural. Anyone who knows me, knows that if you tell me I can't do something, that just motivates me that much more to do it! My mother says she always utilized reverse psychology on me for this reason, though it sometimes worked out to her disadvantage.

I laid out a birth plan for what I hoped to be an ALL NATURAL (not just pain med free) birth. I discussed it with my CNM. She was pretty cooperative, more so than the OB I had switched from, but she wasn't in full agreeance. One thing she said she COULD NOT do was wait for the cord to stop pulsating before she clamped it, but she said she would delay it, not do it immediately. I should've asked what her definition of "delayed" was apparently quite different. Brooke had not been out of the birth canal for more than 30 seconds when she asked my husband to cut the cord after she'd clamped it.  He went ahead.

There's nothing MY husband would've said to change things, he really didn't know better and he would've had to speak up BEFORE the clamp, not sure he cared all that much (that's a whole nother ball game right there). I think he saw my Birth Plan as a bit of a power struggle between me and my CNM, since I am a bit of a control freak. But hey... I was the one giving birth, should I get to be the control freak? And before the cord clamp I was already disappointed by previous intervention/rules.

I had a doula attending my birth, but... she wasn't use to the treachery a woman was to take on inside on those hospital walls, her children and the births she'd attended, all but 1, had been in a home. I wish she'd spoke up more often and asked if I wanted to at least talk about my options (well before it go to the cord clamping btw). Of course, I do feel like her presence alone made this a much better birth than it would've been without her and I am forever grateful to her for that. And she is a big reason as to why I decided to pursue becoming a birth doula myself (Still working on my certification thru DONA btw ;-).I just wish she'd been there to hold my hand at home instead of that dag on hospital. UGH.

I could write all night, criticizing my births, my care providers, my choices, but it, unfortunately, won't change a damn thing. I have two healthy daughters and that's important, but I wanted more. And one's birth experience, good or bad, is something not ever forgotten. I hate having to live with that regret.

So... I'm figuring by the time baby.. uhm... idk... #8 gets here I'll have this birthing thing down... what do you think? Will it take that many? Let's hope not. 3rd time's a charm right? And the rest will NOT be born in a hospital unless medically necessary a.k.a. @ home.

I hope my husband knows I'm "keep my legs closed" serious about this..........